My tinest, huge miracle.

You are forever and always my baby. You came in a tiny little pakage, but you packed a huge punch, didn't you Olive? I'm in awe of you everyday and yet I become paralized at the thought that YOU are MINE. What the what?

You're six months old and hanging out in your 'exer-saucer'. It's a thing of the times that you put a little baby in and they can turn, bounce, make loud noises, and create general baby chaos that is contained and-more often than not-safe. You like it a lot. You can spend a lot of time (10-30 minutes) in there totally enamored with, none other than, the great white tag hanging from one of the "branches" of the "palm tree" that is unrealistically blue and green. You LOVE music, lights, sounds, OH MY! You laugh at daddy the most, but I can tell you think I'm funny too, you're just playing hard to get...I get it, I got your number little girl. You can see. You can hear. You can roll...to the left... but it's rolling so whatever. You're a little smarty pants we think. We should have known, our fab genes would combine and create a super-baby! But in all seriousness, your pretty awesome! Love you Olive! Happy six months!

Having You

Having You.

Having you was the most horrific, tragic, and miraculous event of my life.
Having you created the deepest panic within my soul.
Having you made my heart swell to extremes.
Having you gave me hope.
Having you filled my body with joy and the most terror ever.
Having you gave me excuses to remove myself from the rest of the world.
Having you gave me the biggest reason to stay in this world.
Having you was the best.
Having you changed EVERYTHING.
Having you made me want to change the world.
Having you opened my heart to others.
Having you kept me close to home.
Having you, my dear sweet Olive.
Having you is beyond any words.
Olive, you are loved, you are feared for your innocence and inner strength and potential that I know is within you.
You Olive, are divine.
And Having You Olive, makes my world complete.
You are true, complete, honest, and so fragile.
Having you makes me realize how close to heaven a person on Earth can be...very, when I'm close to You.
Having you Olive, baby girl, is amazing! Welcome to Earth. Mama loves you and fears you and trusts you.
If I'm to be honest myself, I don't think I really had you at all.
You always had me.
And you always will sweet girl.
Always.

Commence to Start.

This got me thinking about a LOT!

1) I will stop panicking about what is out of my control.
2) I will not let others take control from me to the detriment of my own happiness.
3) My happiness may influence others, but it is not decided by others.
4) Life is too precious to spend it worrying.
5) Resting is extremely underrated.
6) I won't wear uncomfortable pants.
7) Rat races are pointless.

I often find myself motivated by the simplest things. Gardening, listening to music, dancing, Mad Men. These things can't be explained or defined or justified. They just are. I like these things. My joy is found in different ways than others'. This is how it is and how it should be. So then, it's strange to think that though these simple things bring me profound joy, I look elsewhere for it. Like, money, popularity (even out of teenage years, popularity crisis can still occur), fame. We humans are odd. We look everywhere but in the place where we actually find peace, for security and happiness. There is nothing worse than ruining a perfectly beautiful day than by worrying and "trying" it away. Of course, personal awareness and growth is good, necessary even. But it's not everything. In fact it's nothing without inner peace.

Kurt often will call me out and tell me to stop being like the "Runaway Bride" character when in the movie Julia Roberts is caught saying her favorite way to eat an egg is the same way her current beau's is. This is classic me. Unfortunately. However, I can say with pride that I have gotten much better in this type of circumstance. Just to prove it, here is a list of thing I know I like.

Tater Tots
Ginger Ale
Dancing
Scrabbled eggs
Bread
Sleeping
Sunny days
Basil
A clean kitchen
A clean refrigerator
A spotless bathroom
A cozy bed
Holding hands
Shoes
The color black
The color green
The color pink
My hair long
Bangs
The country
Country music
Dogs
Horses
Whales
The smell of laundry
Reading non fiction
Cooking shows
"Real Housewives" of anywhere
Camping
The idea of swimming in a lake or the ocean
Bikes
Organizing
Decorating

I don't like stress, anxiety, or heart ache. These things I hate. I will avoid them at all costs.

Peaceful Beauty

These images bring peace to my heart. Breathe them in. 

All Images Via An Apple a Day

Down to Earth, Down on the Farm

Craving the ocean, all things vintage and old, and some garden time. 

The Dragonfly Inn/ Frost B&B

Gilmore Girls- quintessential quaintness of the purest form through wit and rhetoric. And never-you-mind that ridiculously amazing B&B, The Dragonfly Inn. Of which, is what my dreams are made of. Breakfast, no doubt is the first thing I think of when I wake up and for sure the best meal of the day. I am queen of breakfasts in our house and by queen, I mean, I make it and eat it by myself because the hubbs isn't interested.

 What the what? Any who...

 Owning a B&B would be stressful and so very rewarding. It would combine my love of all things Martha Stewart (organizing, gardening, decorating, planning, etc.) with Kurt's expertise in all things restaurant. I love the idea and hope to one day make it reality.

Do you have something you dream of one day accomplishing?

Turning 25, and Other Mind-Boggling Things...

Each year up 'till now has felt like another day has past... blah blah blah, NO! I don't feel older!

 It was not a change that I had geared up for, wished for, or even thought was possible. But this time around, when I woke up on the day of my birthday to get ready for lunch with my hubby and parents, I actually felt older. My thoughts and moods were different. I have always had a little meloncholy-ness on my birthday (thougth, I've tried very hard in the past to not feel that way) and this time around, from the literal minute I woke up April 7th 2012, I felt older.

 Very strange, but very welcomed!

 To more explicetly explain it, I feel like I have more of a right to be who I am without explaination. I'm determined to maintain and grow from here and develop those skills that I know God has given me to use on Earth for a more devine cause. Family and friends are not just cool, they are necessary for my ultimate happiness and sucess. I'm so very gratefull for the wonderfull time I have had in the past two days, staring with my birthday and then again on Easter. Kurt and I thank our lucky stars to have such close families who actually like eachother and get along on a regular basis!

 Letter to my husband:

 And to my dear, loving, husband, I could not ask for more. You are simply amazing. I am so blessed to call you my lifetime friend and partner. You spoil me to the bone, and for that, you have no one but yourself to blame! :) I enjoy every minute with you and am looking forward to the day when we sit in our rocking chairs on 50 acres of land thinking about our memories.

 I could not ask for more.
 I love you forever and always.
 My eternal compainion and best friend.
 I'm your's forever baby.
 Love, Your quirky wife. (smelly cat, smelly cat)